Actually, I always be wrong, but, this time, it means something. I planned to attend the NCR4 exam last year, and then I registered, and then I bought the book a month ago, and then I started to study, and then I have read too many un-related books and have done many un-related things during the studying period, and then I decided that I must finish the book before the Qingming Festival, and then I found that the day has come, but I have done nothing, and then I have to give up the test, and all them above means that I failed, for one more time.
It does not for the first time that things happen. I have planed to take the NCR3, and I failed in the same way. I have planed to take the HR exam, and I failed in the same way. And, more importantly, I failed the TOEFL exam in the same way. I always give myself too many chances, and too many space for maneuver, which is just the point.
It does not like this years ago, when I have no choice, when I have no options, when I have only one way, and the only thing I can do is bearing it. I have found that I am not a so independent person like I have thought to be. Restricting has disappeared, which have made me not so nervous and pain like the past, however, which also brings me many failures.
I don’t hate freedom, but I must try to control myself. 11 has said that I always could arrange my time well. Yes, I could. And, not only could, I still can. However, I can not do things as my schedule, for that I have indulged myself too much these years. I always think that I am a ‘that’ person, however, I finally find that I am not so ‘that’ in the current period.
Some changes must be happened, for that I have experienced so many failures, which has caused that I can not even face to myself, which is just the reason for I am writing this essay by English.
So on, and so forth. It’s enough. Oh, God bless me.
dlzm 行云流水 反省